On the local news this evening, the Kings River was described as a dangerous killer. It seems some area residents have misjudged the river's depth and swift current and have lost their lives in numerous drowning incidents.
I wish the Kings River could sue for defamation of character.
May I suggest that the true "killers" are Human Carelessness and, in some cases, Alcohol.
The runoff from this season's snow melt has made the river's current dangerously fast. On the video I viewed, the water seemed to be racing downstream.
If the Las Vegas oddsmakers could set odds on the showdown between Mother Mature and Human Carelessness, the odds would favor the Lady by at least 10 to 1 every time. Perhaps for the upcoming Labor Day weekend, one can play the 3-day Exacta.
If I were to testify in court, I would be a character witness for the Kings River: "He don't say nothing; He must know something; He just keeps rolling along. He can't keep fools from jumping in."
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Saturday, July 29, 2006
A Bug's Life
I was sitting outside on the patio earlier this evening. It was a pleasant experience ... for a while.
Eventually, a fly began harassing me. It was a brilliantly planned attack. Land. "Shoo!" Land again. "Dammit, get outta here!" Land on another body part. "Will you PLEASE leave me alone?"
You get the idea.
And as darkness gathered, I knew the arrival of a mosquito or two would be the next distraction. I wondered, "What if all flying insects belonged to same union and were expected to go to work each day?" I imagined the following conversation, between Chuck, the Fly and Buzz, the Mosquito:
LOCATION: A place of business ... a time clock attached to a wall.
TIME: 2O minutes before dusk.
BUZZ: "Hiya, Chuck! How was work today? You look rather pleased with yourself."
CHUCK: " Hey, Buzz. I had a blast! I ended my shift with a classic routine. It was hilarious!"
BUZZ" " Let me guess. A human again, right?"
CHUCK: "Yep. He was sitting alone. Wearing short pants. I tried the classic 'Leg; Leg; Arm' sequence on him. He was flailing more than a deranged masochist. And then I did it again. And again. I saw an empty chair nearby. Just far enough away that he couldn't reach it. I landed there and taunted and teased him. It was Textbook ... all the way!"
BUZZ: "Congratulations! Do you think I'd be interested in him?"
CHUCK: "Oh, yeah. He had juicy calves. It's like they just built a new Starbucks in town! Say, how was your trip?"
BUZZ: "The family had a great time. We went to Yosemite. Hung out with some tourists who were camping. I shouldn't over eat like that. I get drowsy and fall asleep after dinner."
CHUCK: " Well, they say that's what vacations are for. I better be going. Gladys is expecting me home to help with the Little Maggots."
BUZZ: " See you tomorrow. I think I'll go see if this guy is my cup of B positive."
Eventually, a fly began harassing me. It was a brilliantly planned attack. Land. "Shoo!" Land again. "Dammit, get outta here!" Land on another body part. "Will you PLEASE leave me alone?"
You get the idea.
And as darkness gathered, I knew the arrival of a mosquito or two would be the next distraction. I wondered, "What if all flying insects belonged to same union and were expected to go to work each day?" I imagined the following conversation, between Chuck, the Fly and Buzz, the Mosquito:
LOCATION: A place of business ... a time clock attached to a wall.
TIME: 2O minutes before dusk.
BUZZ: "Hiya, Chuck! How was work today? You look rather pleased with yourself."
CHUCK: " Hey, Buzz. I had a blast! I ended my shift with a classic routine. It was hilarious!"
BUZZ" " Let me guess. A human again, right?"
CHUCK: "Yep. He was sitting alone. Wearing short pants. I tried the classic 'Leg; Leg; Arm' sequence on him. He was flailing more than a deranged masochist. And then I did it again. And again. I saw an empty chair nearby. Just far enough away that he couldn't reach it. I landed there and taunted and teased him. It was Textbook ... all the way!"
BUZZ: "Congratulations! Do you think I'd be interested in him?"
CHUCK: "Oh, yeah. He had juicy calves. It's like they just built a new Starbucks in town! Say, how was your trip?"
BUZZ: "The family had a great time. We went to Yosemite. Hung out with some tourists who were camping. I shouldn't over eat like that. I get drowsy and fall asleep after dinner."
CHUCK: " Well, they say that's what vacations are for. I better be going. Gladys is expecting me home to help with the Little Maggots."
BUZZ: " See you tomorrow. I think I'll go see if this guy is my cup of B positive."
Friday, July 21, 2006
I Haven't A Clue
Do you lead an easy life?
What if we could classify everyone in one of three possible groups?
The first group: Those of us who have figured out how best to make life complete and are moving towards that goal.
The second group: Where most of us function, living as best we can. Having good days, bad days and the usual ups and downs.
The third group: Those who make life much more difficult than it was meant to be.
I find myself in the last group. The more I try to understand life, the more confused I become. Apparently, I am clueless regarding interpersonal relationships. The more effort I invest in making friends, the more others avoid me. When a person attempts to draw closer to me, the more I try to push that person away. As a result, I am a lonely person wondering why no one wants to be my friend. I'm pretty certain life wasn't meant to be like this.
What makes me happy? I don't know anymore. I DO remember being happy as a child. That seems like someone else's life.
What basic truth in life did I miss?
What if we could classify everyone in one of three possible groups?
The first group: Those of us who have figured out how best to make life complete and are moving towards that goal.
The second group: Where most of us function, living as best we can. Having good days, bad days and the usual ups and downs.
The third group: Those who make life much more difficult than it was meant to be.
I find myself in the last group. The more I try to understand life, the more confused I become. Apparently, I am clueless regarding interpersonal relationships. The more effort I invest in making friends, the more others avoid me. When a person attempts to draw closer to me, the more I try to push that person away. As a result, I am a lonely person wondering why no one wants to be my friend. I'm pretty certain life wasn't meant to be like this.
What makes me happy? I don't know anymore. I DO remember being happy as a child. That seems like someone else's life.
What basic truth in life did I miss?
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